do not seek to mutilate
do not seek to scar my body
only seek to make my mental and emotional pain real.
this means that I injure myself, so be it.
do not seek the attention this causes
seek to hide away from the attention my scars get
seek to hide my scars
only remind me of my past,
weaknesses, failures and wrong doings
scars remind me of the pain, guilt and shame
have felt many times.
seek to forget the past, the pain, everything.
do not seek the questions that are asked of my scared body.
wish to hide away from these questions,
make me feel ashamed and the guilt returns when they are asked
wish to hide away my horribly marked skin
was not my intention to scar it so.
do not know "why?" for sure
can only seek to understand it better
on so many different levels.
do not seek your understanding
in fact hope that you do not understand the pain, guilt and shame
you do, I am truely sorry that you have had those experiences
do not seek for you to have the same addiction.
- injury is like a drug,
trying to beat it, and I find it hard.
still get the urges everynight, but only some do I give in to
hope that you never have to find out how hard it is to beat this
only seek your awareness
of my doing such a thing,
that it is something that happens,
is something that many do.
awareness of what this really is,
why it occurs,
is all I seek