Self Injury

I do not seek to mutilate

I do not seek to scar my body

I only seek to make my mental and emotional pain real.

If this means that I injure myself, so be it.

I do not seek the attention this causes

I seek to hide away from the attention my scars get

I seek to hide my scars

They only remind me of my past,

My weaknesses, failures and wrong doings

The scars remind me of the pain, guilt and shame

I have felt many times.

I seek to forget the past, the pain, everything.

I do not seek the questions that are asked of my scared body.

I wish to hide away from these questions,

They make me feel ashamed and the guilt returns when they are asked

I wish to hide away my horribly marked skin

It was not my intention to scar it so.

I do not know "why?" for sure

I can only seek to understand it better

And on so many different levels.

I do not seek your understanding

I in fact hope that you do not understand the pain, guilt and shame

If you do, I am truely sorry that you have had those experiences

I do not seek for you to have the same addiction.

Self - injury is like a drug,

It's my addiction.

I'm trying to beat it, and I find it hard.

I still get the urges everynight, but only some do I  give in to it.

I hope that you never have to find out how hard it is to beat this addiction.

I only seek your awareness

Not of my doing such a thing,

But that it is something that happens,

It is something that many do.

Your awareness of what this really is,

And why it occurs,

That is all I seek

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